Zalman Nelson - Therapist
Text Therapy: When You Shrink Your Circle of Friends
As we grow, our friends change. Invest more in those treating you well, less in those who don't. That's how it should be as you get to know
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Emotional Healing Blog
Learn more about the process of therapy, inner child work, handling emotional triggers, building validation, and creating successful relationships
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Zalman Nelson - Therapist
- Aug 30, 2022
- 3 min
Dealing With Life Patterns
You have to know what something is and how it works in order to fix it. Do you know you well enough to fix you?
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Zalman Nelson - Therapist
- Aug 28, 2022
- 2 min
Abandonment in Relationships
Stop abandoning yourself in your relationships. How you treat you, is how others will treat you.
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Zalman Nelson - Therapist
- Aug 28, 2022
- 2 min
Life Patterns: Abandonment
Life Patterns are a blind attachment to the image we formed, received, had pushed on us, absorbed, and were trained to believe about ourselves. The Abandonment Life Pattern strongly features the feeling that the people closest to you will leave and you will end up alone forever. Those with the pattern tend to cling too tightly to others when they hold on to this belief and wind up pushing people away. Even normal experiences of separation cause anxiety and agitation and are s
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Zalman Nelson - Therapist
- Aug 22, 2022
- 2 min
How Do Life Patterns Work?
What is a Life Pattern? Life Patterns are lifelong patterns and themes we all have. They’ve been with us forever, since childhood. We picked them up as kids and they're not our fault. Since then, they have continued to repeat themselves, and come up time and time again, throughout our lives to this very day. Here and now, as adults in the present moment, they subconsciously push us to recreate the same conditions we encountered in childhood; many of which were very harmful to
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Zalman Nelson - Therapist
- Aug 18, 2022
- 3 min
"I Feel Flawed and Defective"
The Defectiveness Life Pattern is typically identified by the presence of strong feelings of being inwardly flawed and defective, that no one can really love you because of how flawed you are. As a child, you were not respected and accepted by your family for who you were. Instead, you were intensely criticized for your flaws. In response, you blamed yourself for being so flawed and came to believe it was your fault that you received such rejecting treatment. And then, becaus
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Zalman Nelson - Therapist
- Apr 2, 2019
- 1 min
Is It Hard for You to Trust People?
Many of us have difficulty trusting people, even when they are well-intentioned. This is one of the main ways we maintain our Life Pattern and try to keep our Child Self safe and protected. Take an objective look at your relationships. Focus on intimate ones – family, close friends, lovers, spouses, children. For each person in your life that is not obviously hurtful and unsafe, write down all the evidence that he/she can be trusted. Next, write down all the evidence that he/
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Zalman Nelson - Therapist
- Mar 20, 2019
- 1 min
The Life Patterns Are the Problem
Life Patterns are a blind attachment to the image we formed, received, had pushed on us, absorbed, and were trained to believe about ourselves.
It's the picture of ourselves that we carry around in our head, and our entire way of thinking, emoting, speaking, and acting is rooted and deeply based on it. But we resist the truth of this idea. Life Patterns are Deeply Embedded Our Life Patterns are deeply embedded in our psyche as a result of years of very emotional interpersona
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Zalman Nelson - Therapist
- Feb 24, 2019
- 3 min
Narcissism and the Life Patterns
Some People with the Emotional Deprivation Life Pattern* Counterattack; they compensate for their feelings of deprivation by becoming hostile and demanding. These people are narcissistic. They act as if they are entitled to get all their needs met. They demand a lot, and often get a lot, from the people who become their partners. But regardless of how much nurturing they receive, they still feel that their need are not being met. However, instead of acting hurt or rejected ab
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Zalman Nelson - Therapist
- Jan 7, 2019
- 1 min
Why You're Frustrated With The People Around You
Are you often frustrated with people?
People can't give what they don't have, no matter how much you try. Your Child Self has unmet emotional needs, that have gone unmet for so long; since childhood. As a child, you were primed to get your sense of self from interactions with others: validation, unconditional acceptance, love, awareness of our talents and abilities.
But you didn't get them met as a kid, and your Child Self, since then, has continued to seek those needs fr
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Zalman Nelson - Therapist
- Jan 2, 2019
- 2 min
“I’m Always Disappointed in Other People”
The Emotional Deprivation Life Pattern is the belief that your need for love will never be met adequately by other people. You feel that no one truly cares for you or understands how you feel. You are probably attracted to cold and unforgiving people, or you may be cold and unforgiving yourself. Your relationships are typically unsatisfying and you probably feel cheated. Typically, you alternate between feeling angry about it or feeling hurt and alone. Ironically your anger d
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Zalman Nelson - Therapist
- Dec 24, 2018
- 2 min
11 Life Patterns: Do You Know Yours?
A Life Pattern is a pattern of false beliefs about yourself, that started in your childhood and has been with you throughout life. It began with something that was DONE to you by your family or other children. You were abandoned, criticized, overprotected, abused, excluded, or rejected – you were damaged in some way. Eventually, the Life Pattern became a part of you, and long after you left the home you grew up in, you continued to create situations in which you were mistreat
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Zalman Nelson - Therapist
- Dec 20, 2018
- 2 min
I Feel Different From Everyone
The Social Exclusion Life Pattern has to do with feeling isolated from the rest of the world. You may feel different from others, specifically, you most likely felt socially undesirable, and as an adult, you may feel that you are ugly, unattractive, boring, fat, etc. You reenact your childhood rejection - you both feel and act inferior in social situations. You avoid socializing in groups and tend to immerse yourself in work, family or solitary hobbies/activities. The primary
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Zalman Nelson - Therapist
- Jul 26, 2018
- 3 min
"Out of Your Vulnerabilities Will Come Your Strength"
“We are products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it.” ― Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here for? We struggle with our Life Patterns: false beliefs about who we are and how others will treat us, based on how we were treated growing up. Based on the messages we picked up about who we are as we were growing up. Our interactions with others, when younger, gave us a sense of who we are. Not all of it is accurate, but that's where it came
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Zalman Nelson - Therapist
- Jul 18, 2018
- 4 min
Therapy Tips: Trying to Change But It's Not Working
Q: I tried so many things, books, techniques, and approaches to change but it’s not working. Why? A: Anytime in life that we decide to get somewhere or achieve something, we pick a way to do it, implement it, and then see what happens. It should get us there. And if it doesn’t? There must be something else going on; some other feature at play we have to address in our plan. An Analogy for Change If Highway 41 leads you to the city you want to go but no matter how much you dri
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Zalman Nelson - Therapist
- Jul 1, 2018
- 3 min
What Are Life Patterns?
✅Life Patterns are the key to being more positive and productive…having fulfilling relationships…getting free of anxiety, fear, and panic...overcoming feelings of insecurity and rejection...and breaking the cycles of self-defeating behavior. You aren’t the problem in your life. Your Life Patterns are. A Life Pattern is a pattern that starts in childhood and reverberates throughout life. It began with something that was done to us by our families or by other children. We were
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Zalman Nelson - Therapist
- Mar 16, 2018
- 3 min
Never Quite Good Enough: Unrelenting Standards Life Pattern
Standards are a challenge for many of us. We constantly strive to achieve extremely high standards that we set and obsess over money, status, order, power, and recognition. These things become our top priority at the expense of happiness, health, pleasure, and satisfying relationships. And we judge others by the same rigid standards. As with all Life Patterns, it has a source in youth. Any childhood memories where you feel anything other than the best was a failure? Or, that
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