• Zalman Nelson

"I Feel Flawed and Defective"

[The Defectiveness Life Pattern]

People with the Defectiveness Life Pattern feel inwardly flawed and defective. They feel that no one can really love them because of how flawed they are. As a child, they were not respected for who they were in their family. Instead, they were criticized for their flaws. They blamed themselves that they were so flawed. They find it difficult to believe that they are valued by people close to them, so they expect rejection.

The emotion most connected to the Defectiveness Life Pattern is shame. Shame is what people with Defectiveness feel when their defects are exposed. They will do almost anything to avoid the feeling of shame. Consequently, they go to great lengths to keep their Defectiveness hidden.

Nearly half of people have Defectiveness as one of their primary Life Patterns. However, on the surface, they look very different and cope with feelings of shame in different ways. Some lack confidence and look insecure (i.e., they Surrender to their Life Pattern). Some look normal (i.e., Escape their Life Pattern). And some look so good you would never believe they had the lifter (i.e., they Counterattack when their Life Pattern is exposed).

Origins of the Defectiveness Life Pattern:

1. Someone in your family was extremely critical, demeaning, or punitive toward you. You were repeatedly criticized or punished for how you looked, how you behaved, or what you said.

2. You were made to feel like a disappointment by a parent.

3. You were rejected or unloved by one or both of your parents.

4. You were sexually, physically, or emotionally abused by a family member.

5. You were blamed all the time for things that went wrong in your family.

6. Your parent told you repeatedly that you were bad, worthless, or good for nothing.

7. You were repeatedly compared in an unfavorable way with your brothers or sisters, or they were preferred over you.

8. One of your parents left home, and you blamed your self.

#defectiveness #lifepatterns

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