Start validating yourself, and then see how different your conversations are without the needy, pleading, desperation for validation.
So many of us struggle with validation and seeking it from external sources. As kids, we naturally learn about self from outside of ourselves: from parents, siblings, friends, relatives, teachers, and more. And what we don't get, we continue spending years trying to get externally.
Until, one day, we realize that it hasn't worked and won't work. Instead, WE HAVE TO GIVE IT TO OURSELVES. We, our Adult Self, has to be the parent and the loving, accepting, validating voice that our Child Self always needed.
As that connection and relationship grows and flourishes, we start to see changes in our relationships. The desperate seeking of validation from others begins to fade and reduce. We’re more able to speak up, be heard, and talk from a place of confidence, knowing we're good, right, and valid. Then, as that occurs, those around sense a change: we're no longer clingy, dependent, and leveraged.
This upsets and shifts the balance, and now they need to reassess their self and ways.