To develop a sense of connection, we need love, attention, empathy, respect, affection, understanding, and guidance. We need these things from both our family and our peers.
There are two forms of connection to others. The first involves intimacy. Usually, intimate relationships are those with family, lovers, partners, and very good friends. They are our closest emotional ties. In our most intimate relationships, we feel the kind of connection that one feels with a mother or father.
The second form involves our social connections. This is a sense of belonging, of fitting into the larger social world. Social relationships are those with circles of friends and with groups in the community.
Connection problems can be subtle. You can look like you fit in perfectly well. You might have a family, loved ones, or be part of the community. Yet, deep down, you feel disconnected. You feel alone and long for a kind of relationship that you do not have. Only someone astute would notice that you are not really connecting with the people around you. You keep people at a little bit of distance. You do not let anyone come too close. Or your problems may be more extreme. You may be a longer – a person who has always been alone.
For a moment, think about your connections to others... how do you feel about them? Do you notice any connection problems? Is loneliness an issue for you?
Do you feel that no one really knows you deeply and cares about you (Emotional Deprivation Life Pattern)?
Or, do you feel isolated from the world, that you do not fit in anywhere (Social Exclusion Life Pattern).
Your feeling of emptiness is a hunger for connection.