Before You Ask Someone Else
The answer you’re looking for might already be inside you.
Have you ever felt an overwhelming need to ask someone—anyone—what to do?
You don’t even pause to think. You reach out. You explain the situation.
You wait for their reply, hoping it calms your nerves, validates your fear, or confirms your next step.
And maybe for a moment… it does.
But then something strange happens.
The doubt creeps back in.
You start wondering if their advice was really right for you.
You ask someone else.
And the cycle repeats.
The Habit of Looking Outward
We’re so used to outsourcing our clarity.
We ask our friends, our partners, our parents, our mentors, even strangers online:
What should I do?
Am I overreacting?
What would you do if you were me?
And it feels like wisdom.
It feels like being responsible or open-minded.
But often, it’s not about the answer at all.
It’s about something else entirely.
A Deeper Drive: The Need to Feel Heard
That frantic reach outward is often a signal from a part of you that feels:
Unseen
Uncertain
Unsafe
A younger part.
Your Inner Child.
It’s not that you don’t have answers.
It’s that somewhere deep down, you don’t trust yourself to know them.
And you’re hoping someone else will say something that helps you feel secure enough to move forward.
What You’re Really Looking For
You think you’re looking for advice.
But what you’re really looking for is:
✔️ Reassurance
✔️ Emotional safety
✔️ Permission to trust yourself
✔️ Someone to say, “Yes, you’re okay. You’re doing fine.”
You’ve trained yourself to seek that externally.
Which means—even when someone does validate you—it doesn’t always land.
It might give you a temporary sense of calm, but it doesn’t create lasting clarity.
Because it didn’t come from you.
Try This Instead: Ask Yourself First
Next time that urge to text someone for advice hits—pause.
Take a breath.
And instead of asking them first… ask you.
Try questions like:
If I were giving advice to someone else in this exact situation, what would I say?
What am I feeling right now—and what do I need?
If I trusted myself, what would I do next?
You don’t have to be certain.
You don’t have to be right.
Just listen.
This is the beginning of rebuilding trust between you and the part of you that’s been waiting to be heard—by you.
Then—If You Still Want Input—Go for It
There’s nothing wrong with asking others for insight.
In fact, it can be incredibly helpful and connecting.
But do it from a place of grounded curiosity—not emotional panic.
When you validate yourself first, something powerful shifts:
You stop needing others to save you.
You hear their feedback with clarity, not desperation.
You stay in touch with your truth, even when their opinion is different.
You’re no longer searching for permission.
You’re gathering perspective.
Why This Matters
If you constantly defer to others, you reinforce a belief that your voice doesn’t count.
And your Inner Child gets the message: “I’m still not the one we turn to when things get hard.”
But when you start turning inward—when you pause to check in before looking out—you show that part of you something new:
“I trust you. I care about what you have to say. I’m not abandoning you.”
That’s what builds self-trust.
That’s what strengthens self-respect.
That’s what rewires the belief that you’re not capable of making good decisions.
Final Thoughts: Let Your Inner Voice Speak First
You don’t need to have all the answers.
But your own voice deserves to be heard—first.
So next time you feel that anxious pull to seek someone else’s input, try this instead:
Pause.
Breathe.
Ask yourself what you think.
Then, and only then, go ahead and ask someone else.
You may still want support—but you won’t need it to feel whole.
And that’s the shift that changes everything.
Your Turn
💭 What’s one recent moment when you reached out for reassurance—without asking yourself first?
📝 What do you think would’ve changed if you had paused and listened inward first?
Reply and share—I’d love to hear your reflection.
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