How to Attract Your Soulmate (It’s Not What You Think)
Want a partner who treats you with love and respect? Start with the person in the mirror
A member of my Facebook group Relationship Masters recently asked:
“I would love to attract my true husband… my soulmate.”
I loved the question.
Because it’s one we all carry at some point—maybe not in those exact words, but in the feeling behind it:
✨ When will I find the one?
✨ Where is the person who’s going to love me the way I’ve always wanted?
✨ How do I attract a relationship that finally feels right?
Here’s the part nobody talks about:
Your soulmate isn’t just attracted to your smile, your charm, or your dating profile.
They’re drawn to the way you treat you.
Let me explain.
The Soulmate Attraction Process
If you want someone to love you deeply, consistently, and kindly…
You have to love yourself that way first.
Not in the cheesy, self-help way.
In the real, day-to-day, moment-to-moment way.
Try this:
🔸 Close your eyes.
🔸 Imagine your soulmate looking at you.
🔸 How do they see you?
🔸 How do they speak to you?
🔸 How do they treat you—especially when you’re struggling or insecure or having a bad day?
Hold onto that image.
Now—flip it.
Start treating yourself that way.
Talk to yourself with that same warmth.
Be patient when you’re overwhelmed.
Offer comfort instead of criticism.
Show up for your Inner Child the way your dream partner would show up for you.
That’s the shift.
That’s where soulmate attraction begins.
Why This Works
Here’s what most people miss:
We don’t attract who we want.
We attract who we are aligned with.
If you’re constantly criticizing yourself, overgiving, or settling for crumbs—you’ll attract people who reinforce that dynamic.
Not because you're broken.
But because those people match the way you're already treating yourself.
On the flip side?
When you learn to validate your own emotions…
When you meet your own needs with compassion and consistency…
When you create a safe, respectful, loving relationship within...
You naturally start filtering out the ones who can’t meet you there.
You stop confusing emotional chaos with chemistry.
You recognize red flags faster.
You attract people who mirror the self-love you’ve worked so hard to build.
Breaking Free From Old Life Patterns
Most of us grew up learning unhealthy emotional patterns.
We learned to earn love by people-pleasing.
We learned to ignore our feelings because they were inconvenient.
We learned to stay in pain because it felt familiar.
And we carry those patterns into adulthood—and into relationships.
But here’s the good news:
Those patterns can be broken.
Every time you tune in to your Inner Child—every time you listen, validate, and support that younger part of you—you send a message:
“You matter. I see you. I’m not abandoning you again.”
And something amazing happens.
You stop attracting people who activate your wounds.
You start attracting people who support your healing.
And eventually… you stop searching for your soulmate and realize:
🧡 You became them first.
Final Thoughts: You’re the One Who Starts It
The journey to attracting your soulmate doesn’t begin with dating apps or flirting tips.
It begins inside.
So today, ask yourself:
How do I treat me when no one’s watching?
What kind of partner am I being to myself?
Am I showing up the way I want someone else to show up for me?
Because when you start loving yourself the way you’ve always wanted to be loved…
The people who can love you that way too—start showing up.
Your Turn
💭 What’s one small way you can treat yourself like your soulmate today?
💬 Hit reply and let me know—I read every message.
📩 Want more insight like this? Subscribe for weekly posts on emotional healing, Inner Child work, and creating the relationship you’ve always deserved.
🚀 Ready to go deeper? Messaging therapy helps you untangle old patterns and build the emotional foundation that great relationships are built on. Reach out here to learn more.
Go attract your soulmate.
And start by becoming one—for yourself.
— Zalman
This landed deep, Zalman.
Especially the line:
“You stop attracting people who activate your wounds. You start attracting people who support your healing.”
I’ve seen this shift in real time—when I stopped begging for scraps and started honoring the younger me who just wanted to feel safe. Suddenly, the whole game changed.
What I love about this piece is how it feels like truth without trying too hard. It’s not some hypey love-yourself cliché. It’s a call to real, moment-to-moment emotional integrity.
I’ll be returning to this next time I catch myself outsourcing my worth.
Thank you for this.
– Anton
This is a truly beautiful peice!
To be perfectly honest my usual response to anything that promotes self love is frustration! And irritation.
Everyone always tells you to love yourself it's such a flippant statement
However you have done such an upstanding job in conveying the message of loving yourself that it truly resonates with me! I didn't get the usual roll my eyes reflex!
This truly shocked even me!
So I took a breath and thought about your question, I thought about all the cliche responses of how I was going to be more own soul mate today and what was the 1 little thing I would do for myself.
It was alot harder at first than I expected.. I had to dig deep to find something I would actually find valuable, meaningful and real
Words are extremely meaningful to me, I don't often in my everyday life get the ones in deeply long to hear so today I wrote myself a beautiful love poem. It might sound incredibly weird but I don't mind...
I am infact a bit weird! I figured I would share the poem i wrote myself in the slight chance it helps someone else who doesn't know what to do for themselves
I wrote this for myself from the perspective im my own soul mate to remind myself of the strength, light, and grace I carry within me. This is a celebration of self love, not of pride, but of honor.
"The Essence of Tara"
Tara, a name whispered by the winds of ancient lands,
A name that blooms like a rare flower, touched by sacred hands.
In the stillness of the universe, it carries a divine grace,
A symbol of strength, of balance, in every trace.
In Sanskrit, Tara means "star",
A celestial body guiding from afar.
She is the beacon in the darkest of skies,
A symbol of light, where hope never dies.
In Buddhist tradition, she is the goddess of compassion,
Guiding souls through storms with gentle passion.
Her name means "the savior" who offers protection,
A guide through life’s trials, a path of resurrection.
In the East, she stands with wisdom and grace,
A protector, a healer, in every place.
Her heart beats in rhythm with the universe’s flow,
Her presence a light that helps us grow.
In Celtic roots, your name is a hill,
Where kings have gathered, where ancient wills still thrill.
A place of sacred ground, where the earth and sky embrace,
And the name Tara stands with timeless grace.
Tara, your name is the root of the earth, the breath of the stars,
A bridge between realms, both near and far.
It is the moonlight that whispers in the night,
A reminder that even in darkness, there is light.