Let Tequila Be Your Teacher
What I told one client about alcohol applies to all of us
I recently messaged a client about her relationship with alcohol—specifically tequila—and how it tied into the emotional work we were doing.
But this isn’t just about alcohol.
This is about food. Weed. Shopping. Relationships.
Even the rush of being liked.
It’s about the things we reach for when we don’t know how to reach inward.
Here’s what I shared with her and what I want you to hear too:
Let’s Be Honest: It Works
That’s why we use it.
It quiets the anxiety.
It softens the overthinking.
It lets us feel free, just for a while.
It gives us permission to be bold, real, present.
Like, “This is me. Take it or leave it.”
And that feeling?
It matters.
It tells us something about what we long for.
You Don’t Have to Drink It to Learn From It
The work isn’t just about stopping.
It’s about getting curious.
Ask yourself:
What did it give me?
What did it help me feel?
What did it let me say or do that felt impossible without it?
Those answers are gold.
They show you what was missing.
They point to what you’re still searching for.
So I told her:
Let tequila be your teacher.
You don’t have to drink it again.
You already know what it gave you.
Now the work is learning how to recreate that feeling—from the inside.
That is not weakness.
That is reparenting.
Try This: Write a Goodbye Letter
When I worked in adolescent addiction treatment, we asked teens to write goodbye letters to their drug of choice.
Not from shame. From honesty.
Letters often sounded like breakups with a toxic ex:
“You helped me feel safe.”
“You gave me something no one else did.”
“You helped me escape.”
It was vulnerable.
And it opened the door to healing.
If tequila or anything else has played that role for you, try this too.
Write to it.
Tell it what it gave you.
What you miss.
What you’ve learned.
And what you are building now without it.
What You’re Really Building
You are not just quitting something.
You are reclaiming something.
You are saying to yourself:
I still want freedom.
I still want joy.
I still want calm and clarity.
But now I want it on my terms.
You do not have to give up the feeling.
You just have to stop outsourcing it.
Because that version of you, the one who felt confident and alive ,was always you.
The substance didn’t create her.
It just gave her permission to show up.
Now you are learning to give yourself that permission.
That is what this work is about.
That is emotional healing.
That is reparenting.
If this speaks to you or reminds you of someone you care about consider sharing it.
And if you want a safe space to do this work privately, at your own pace, messaging therapy might be a good fit.
This is the kind of work we do: honest, gentle, in real time.
You can reach out or learn more in my telegram therapy studio:
👉 t.me/zalmannelson
Or DM me here on Substack:
You can also gift a full month of therapy to someone who needs it.
Because healing doesn’t always start with a breakthrough.
Sometimes it starts with a quiet goodbye.
What Did I Just Learn?
Substances work because they meet real emotional needs
Quitting is not the end—it’s the beginning of asking deeper questions
You can learn from what the substance gave you without going back to it
A goodbye letter can help uncover what you still need
Healing is when you give yourself what you used to borrow from something else