When Your Voice Finally Joins the Conversation
Why naming your feelings changes everything even if nothing changes
Emily’s Story
Emily (not her real name) messaged me about work.
She was drained. Always saying yes. Taking on extra shifts. Juggling three jobs’ worth of responsibilities under one title.
Inside, she wanted to say: “I can’t keep this up. I need one clear role, not three.”
But another voice was just as strong: “I made a commitment. People depend on me. If I say no, I’ll look selfish.”
So she stayed. She worked harder. And every week, she felt more invisible to herself.
Sound familiar? For some it’s work. For others, it’s relationships, family, or community. On the surface, it’s a practical decision. But underneath, it’s a deeper split: one part of you pushing forward, another part fading out.
The Old Way: Disappearing From the Room
Many of us learned early that other people’s needs came first. Parents, teachers, siblings, partners. It felt non-negotiable.
So now the inner script sounds like:
What if I let them down?
What will they think if I say no?
Better to stay quiet than risk being selfish.
On paper, the outcome looks fine. You keep the job, the role, the relationship. But inside, it’s another moment of self-erasure. That’s why people-pleasing is so exhausting. It’s not just about what you give to others. It’s about what you lose in yourself.
The Shift: Two Voices at the Table
Here’s what Emily did differently.
She told herself the truth.
“If it were just up to me, I’d scale back. I feel stressed. I want balance.”
“But I also value my commitments. Following through matters to me.”
She didn’t quit. Her workload didn’t change overnight.
But her voice joined the conversation. She stopped pretending one part didn’t exist.
That shift from self-abandonment to self-inclusion is tremendous, powerful, and has an impact.
Why It Matters
Even if nothing outside changes, something inside does:
You stop disappearing.
You become part of your own decisions.
You breathe differently.
It doesn’t mean you’ll always choose the easy road. But it does mean you’ll choose honestly.
A Simple Tool: TFN Check-In
Next time you feel pulled in two directions, try this:
What am I Thinking?
What am I Feeling?
What do I Need?
Write it down. No editing. No fixing. Just give each voice a seat at the table.
You may still make the same choice. But you’ll make it with awareness instead of erasure.
The Real Work
Healing and emotional freedom isn’t always dramatic. Sometimes it’s as quiet as saying:
“I’m tired. I want less. But for now, I’m choosing to keep this commitment.”
That honesty builds trust with yourself. And that’s the foundation of every real change that follows.
One Last Thing
This is exactly the kind of practice we’re building in my $1/day Emotional Support Coaching Group on Telegram.
Daily check-ins. Real-time tools. Direct feedback from me. A small, supportive community.
We’re starting soon—and there are only 2 spots left until we launch. Make sure you’re onboard! Your inner kid will thank you :)
👉 Learn more and join the group here