When You’re Married to a Child in an Adult Body
One of the hardest truths in relationships is this:
Sometimes the person you’ve built your life with can’t actually meet you as an equal.
They may look like an adult. They may carry responsibilities, have a job, even raise children. But emotionally they’re still operating like a scared child.
And when you’re on the receiving end of that, it hurts.
The One-Way Street
A client recently told me about a moment with her husband.
It started with something small: the kids’ lunchboxes. He grabbed the wrong one, then ripped into her. Called her incompetent. Told her she was failing as an advocate for their child.
She knew it wasn’t true.
She knew he was overwhelmed: his wife terrified, his helplessness building, his fear spilling out.
But that didn’t make it sting any less.
She said to me: “I understand it’s not really about me. But it still hurts.”
And that’s the impossible space so many people live in.
On one side, you get what’s happening. You see the fear under the attack. On the other, you’re left carrying the weight of the blow.
Week after week, she described the same cycle:
He never apologizes.
He twists every situation to keep blame off himself.
She ends up chasing, explaining, yelling, desperate to be heard.
That’s not partnership. That’s survival.
Why It Hurts So Much
What makes these moments so brutal isn’t just the present. I’s the past they wake up.
When he tore into her about something so trivial, it wasn’t about sandwiches. It was about the familiar ache of being unheard. The sting of being dismissed. The quiet despair of having her needs erased.
That’s not just “marriage conflict.” That’s childhood pain resurfacing.
There’s a little girl inside who learned early:
My needs don’t count.
My feelings don’t matter.
If I scream louder, maybe someone will finally hear me.
So every new fight isn’t just about him. It’s about old wounds replaying in real time.
The Breakthrough
Here’s where the shift came.
Instead of chasing him for validation she knew would never come, she paused. She turned inward. She named her feelings: hurt, dismissed, abandoned.
And she sat with that little girl inside and said, “I hear you now.”
That was the turning point.
She stopped waiting for him to give her what he couldn’t. She started giving it to herself.
And once she did, everything began to change:
His words didn’t land with the same force.
She no longer felt frantic to explain or prove herself.
She could even see his rage for what it was: a scared boy in an adult body, doing anything to avoid feeling unworthy.
Most People Are Children in Adult Bodies
This is bigger than one marriage.
Most people you meet (partners, colleagues, even family) are walking around with unhealed wounds. And when they’re triggered, they act not as adults but as scared kids.
Some shut down. Some lash out. Some blame.
But here’s the key: you don’t have to join them.
You can’t change them. But you can change how you respond.
That begins the moment you decide:
I won’t abandon myself anymore.
I will name my feelings, even if no one else cares to hear them.
I will give myself the validation I’ve been begging for from others.
That’s the beginning of breaking free.
The Power of Self-Validation
When my client started validating herself, she discovered something profound:
She no longer needed to match his intensity. She didn’t have to scream louder or explain longer.
Instead, she could say calmly, “I disagree. I did nothing wrong.”
And whether he raged or denied, she didn’t lose her center.
Why? Because she’d already given herself what she needed.
This is the work:
Not changing the other person.
Not convincing them to finally hear you.
But learning to stop abandoning yourself.
That’s where real healing begins.
What About You?
Maybe you’ve been here too.
Maybe you’ve begged for crumbs of validation that never came.
Maybe you’ve screamed into the void, hoping someone, anyone, would finally hear you.
Maybe you’ve known deep down: this is familiar… and it’s not what I deserve.
You’re not crazy. You’re not alone. And you don’t have to keep living this loop.
The $1/Day Emotional Support Coaching Group
That’s why I created the Telegram Emotional Support Coaching Group.
It’s daily support, not just once a week.
It’s a place to bring the triggers, the spirals, the raw emotions as they happen.
It’s where you learn to pause, name, validate, and reclaim your power.
Here’s what you get for just $1/day:
📲 Daily prompts to help you connect with your feelings in real time.
💬 Direct responses from me, so you’re never left spiraling alone.
👥 Supportive group discussions with people who actually get it.
🎥 Weekly live Zoom Q&A to go deeper into your struggles.
The group is live and people are healing. A few spots remain. Don’t miss out.
Healing isn’t about screaming louder so someone else finally hears you.
It’s about hearing yourself.
And once you do, you’ll never settle for less again.