Why You Keep Attracting the Wrong People
(And How to Stop)
"Why do I keep attracting the same types of people?"
"Why does the universe send me the worst partners?"
"Are there even any good guys/girls out there?"
If you've ever asked these questions, you’re not alone.
It can feel like you have a perfect attraction system—but only for the wrong people. The toxic ones. The unavailable ones. The ones who trigger the worst in you.
But what if I told you this isn’t random?
Your attraction system is working perfectly—just not in the way you think. Let’s talk about why this happens and, more importantly, how to change it.
The One Constant in All Your Relationships
If the same painful patterns keep repeating, there’s one common denominator in all your relationships: you.
Now, before you think I’m blaming you—I’m not. This isn’t about fault. It’s about empowerment.
Because your attraction system isn’t broken. It’s actually working exactly as it should.
🔹 It brings you the exact people and experiences you need—to help you heal.
🔹 It mirrors your unresolved emotional wounds.
🔹 It reveals where your inner child is still hurting.
Let’s break this down.
Why You Attract the Wrong People
You don’t just attract people randomly.
You attract people who trigger the same emotions you felt growing up.
Here’s how it works:
1️⃣ As kids, we absorb beliefs about ourselves based on how we were treated.
If you felt unseen, unworthy, or not enough, those beliefs stay with you.
If your emotional needs weren’t fully met, you still crave that missing piece.
2️⃣ Those unmet emotional needs don’t just disappear.
They become a subconscious script that plays out in your adult relationships.
You seek familiarity—even if it’s painful.
3️⃣ You unknowingly attract people who recreate those same emotions.
Not because you want pain, but because your mind is trying to resolve it.
It’s an unconscious attempt to “fix” the past by repeating it.
🔹 Example: If you never felt truly heard as a child, you may attract partners who dismiss your feelings.
🔹 Example: If you had to prove your worth to receive love, you might fall for emotionally unavailable people.
It’s not your fault. But now that you see it, it’s your responsibility to change it.
The Cycle of Emotional Triggers
Your inner world is made up of two parts:
🔹 The Inner Child – The part of you that carries past wounds, fears, and unmet emotional needs.
🔹 The Adult You – The present-day self that thinks they’ve moved on, but still reacts from old pain.
Most of the relationship struggles, emotional triggers, and painful patterns you face today aren’t just about the other person.
They’re about your inner child reacting to familiar emotions from the past.
You have two choices:
✅ Face it, connect with it, and heal.
🚫 Avoid it, blame others, and keep repeating the cycle.
How to Break the Pattern (For Good)
If you’re tired of attracting the wrong people, here’s what to do:
1️⃣ Identify the Core Feelings
Instead of focusing on what happened in your last painful relationship, focus on how it made you feel.
📌 Exercise:
Think about a recent relationship that ended badly.
Replay a moment that triggered you.
Ask yourself: What emotions did I feel in that moment?
Use a feelings chart (Google it—there are tons of free ones) to expand your emotional vocabulary. You might realize:
“I felt unimportant.”
“I felt rejected.”
“I felt like I had to prove my worth.”
These are clues—they tell you what unresolved emotional wounds are still running the show.
2️⃣ Trace It Back to the Past
Now, ask yourself:
📌 “When else in my life have I felt these same feelings?”
For most people, the answer is childhood.
That’s because the part of you that felt rejected, unseen, or not enough back then is still carrying those feelings now.
Once you see this connection, everything starts to make sense.
3️⃣ Stop Running—Start Feeling
The reason we keep attracting the same patterns is simple:
🚫 We avoid our emotions.
🚫 We distract ourselves.
🚫 We keep looking outside for validation, instead of turning inward for healing.
But here’s the truth:
📌 Your attraction system will keep delivering the same types of people until you face what needs attention.
It’s like Amazon keeps delivering the same package to your door. You keep ignoring it. So they keep sending it—until you finally open it, look inside, and deal with what’s there.
Your emotions aren’t the enemy. They’re your guideposts to healing.
4️⃣ Rewire Your Attraction System
Once you start working through your emotional triggers, two things happen:
1️⃣ You stop feeling as triggered in relationships.
You develop emotional clarity instead of emotional reactivity.
2️⃣ Your attraction shifts.
You no longer crave the wrong types.
You start noticing (and actually being attracted to) healthier partners.
Because now, you’re choosing from a place of self-worth, not from old wounds.
Final Thoughts: You Have the Power to Change This
🚫 You don’t have to settle for painful relationships.
🚫 You don’t have to repeat the same patterns.
🚫 You don’t have to keep feeling like love is something you have to chase.
Healing starts with you.
✔️ When you connect with your emotions, you break the cycle.
✔️ When you validate yourself, you stop needing others to do it for you.
✔️ When you change your relationship with yourself, every other relationship changes too.
🔥 Your turn:
What’s one old pattern you’re ready to break? Hit reply and let me know.
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