The Moment You Stop Abandoning Yourself
It happens fast.
You feel triggered.
Insecure.
Overwhelmed.
And before you even realize what’s happening, you’ve already left yourself.
You’re trying to prove your worth to a parent.
Spiraling over an ex’s behavior.
Feeling guilty for having needs.
Fixing. Explaining. Pleasing.
Collapsing into old child parts when things feel intense.
You rush outward for reassurance, answers, clarity.
You text a friend.
Call a mentor.
Ask a spiritual leader or coach.
Scroll.
Overthink.
Anything but sit still with what’s happening inside you.
This is the core pattern I keep seeing.
And it’s not because people are weak.
It’s because most of us were never taught how to stay.
The Pattern Beneath the Pattern
Many of us grew up without emotional attunement.
We learned to earn love.
Prove ourselves.
Keep the peace.
Walk on eggshells.
Hide our needs.
When big feelings showed up, no one helped us regulate them. So we learned something else instead.
We learned to abandon ourselves.
We learned to override what we felt in order to survive the room.
Fast forward to adulthood and the pattern looks different, but it’s the same wound.
Instead of sitting with fear, we chase reassurance.
Instead of feeling sadness, we fix someone else.
Instead of tolerating uncertainty, we demand clarity.
Instead of grounding, we collapse.
We leave ourselves emotionally the moment it gets uncomfortable.
How It Shows Up in Real Life
It shows up at 1am when you’re replaying a conversation and convincing yourself you ruined everything.
It shows up when you feel the urge to prove you’re not selfish for having boundaries.
It shows up when you apologize for emotions that are completely valid.
It shows up when an ex doesn’t respond and your nervous system goes into emergency mode.
It shows up when you become the fixer in every dynamic because it feels safer than feeling.
It shows up as guilt for having needs.
It shows up as self blame after every trigger.
And the most painful part?
Most of it happens automatically.
The Shift That Changes Everything
Healing does not begin when you fix the relationship.
It begins when you stay with yourself.
That’s it.
Before reacting.
Before texting.
Before proving.
Before chasing reassurance.
Pause.
Name what you feel.
Not the story.
Not the analysis.
The feeling.
Tight chest.
Fear.
Anger.
Loneliness.
Shame.
Then ask, what does this part of me need right now?
Not what does the other person need.
Not what will fix the situation.
What do I need?
The inner child does not need solutions.
It needs presence.
Surfing the Urge
There is a moment in every trigger where the urge hits.
The urge to text.
To explain.
To fix.
To defend.
To shut down.
That urge feels urgent. It feels like something terrible will happen if you don’t act.
But urges are waves.
If you can learn to surf them instead of obey them, something powerful happens.
You feel the discomfort rise.
You breathe.
You let it crest.
You stay.
And eventually, it falls.
You didn’t fix the feeling.
You didn’t silence it.
You rode it.
That builds emotional maturity faster than any insight ever will.
What This Looks Like in Real Time
It looks like catching yourself mid spiral and saying, “Wait. I’m about to prove my worth again.”
It looks like noticing the old fixer role coming online and choosing not to step into it.
It looks like pausing before chasing someone who pulled away.
It looks like recognizing that your overwhelm is actually an old loneliness being stirred up.
It looks like putting your hand on your chest and saying quietly, “I’m here. I’m not abandoning you.”
That sentence alone can change your nervous system.
The Adult Self Steps In
The goal is not to eliminate the younger parts.
The goal is to rely on a steady Adult Self who can lead.
The Adult Self pauses before reacting.
The Adult Self names emotions.
The Adult Self sets boundaries to protect emotional energy, not to punish others.
The Adult Self understands triggers are signals, not emergencies.
When the Adult Self shows up with calm leadership, your relationships shift.
Not because others changed.
Because you did.
You are no longer scrambling for validation.
You are no longer collapsing at the first wave of discomfort.
You are no longer abandoning yourself.
Why This Matters
When you stop abandoning yourself, anxiety decreases.
You stop chasing clarity from people who cannot give it.
You choose partners differently.
You tolerate discomfort without self betrayal.
You build an internal sense of worth that is not dependent on someone else’s mood.
You move from emotional reactivity to emotional maturity.
And here is the truth.
Healing is not about never getting triggered.
Healing is about how quickly you come back to yourself.
Every time you notice the pattern in real time, you are rewiring something old.
Every pause is progress.
Every moment of staying is strength.
A Simple Practice to Start Today
The next time you feel triggered, try this:
One emotion.
One need.
That’s it.
“I feel anxious. I need reassurance.”
“I feel hurt. I need acknowledgment.”
“I feel scared. I need stability.”
Then place a hand on your heart and say, “I’m here. I can stay with this.”
Do not rush outward yet.
Stay inward first.
That is where the pattern breaks.
Emotional Growth Means…
Most people think emotional growth means becoming stronger.
In reality, it means becoming steadier.
It means not running from your own feelings.
It means not outsourcing your safety to everyone else in the room.
It means learning to stay with yourself when everything in you wants to leave.
That is the moment you stop abandoning yourself.
And that is where real emotional freedom begins.
If this pattern feels familiar, you don’t have to practice this alone.
Inside my Telegram therapeutic support group, we work on this in real time. Not just once a week, but in the actual moments when you feel triggered, insecure, or overwhelmed. You learn how to pause before reacting. How to name the emotion instead of spiraling. How to surf the urge instead of chasing reassurance. How to let your Adult Self lead instead of collapsing into old patterns.
It’s daily emotional practice in a steady, supportive environment. Small check ins. Real reflections. Gentle guidance. Over time, that consistency builds something powerful: an inner relationship that doesn’t disappear the moment things get uncomfortable.
Because the goal isn’t to stop getting triggered.
The goal is to stop abandoning yourself when you do.