Zalman, I have never wanted to die, but I do know that feeling when you feel like you are dragging. Too much of everything. That feeling of being on a treadmill at full speed and there is no way to get off. Exhaustion from expectations, especially my own. I began asking myself how much of it I was creating. I stopped blaming others and situations and started peeling away habits and beliefs. I am very good at dropping those expectations now. I am no longer running. I now learn from everything. Listen, observe, learn. Very beautiful essay. Love that first Arabic saying. So powerful. xo
Thank you so much for sharing this! It really grounds the conversation in something real and honest. That image of being stuck on a treadmill with no exit ramp…I know it well. And the way you paused to ask, “How much of this am I creating?” That’s a huge shift. Not about blame, but about freedom.
It takes a lot of courage to stop running and start looking at the beliefs and pressures we’ve internalized. The shift you described from pressure to presence, from reaction to reflection is exactly what healing looks like. It’s not loud or dramatic. It’s steady and real.
I’m really glad that line landed with you too. Thanks again for bringing so much clarity and heart to this space. xo
It took many years of returning to this idea that I was completely committed to loving myself and my life no matter what. Life keeps getting more complicated, but I never stopped training. I feel prepared. Even life's treadmill can be seen as valuable when you keep returning to personal responsibility, presence, and self-love. xo
Wow. Thank you for saying that. It’s so true. That expectation to always be the protector, the strong one, the steady one. It gets heavy. And the truth is, even protectors reach their limit. We need care too. Support. A place where we can fall apart and still feel safe. Real strength isn’t about never breaking. It’s about being honest when we do. Your words really hit something deep :)
Hey, thank you. That really means a lot. And it's amazing having you here! I’m glad the raw stuff resonates with you, because I’ve been through that messy place too and it’s exactly why I share it. Your support makes a difference, and has always made a difference. Ty!
Love this. I completely relate and have had to learn to slow down so I can hear myself and then meet the need. Over-functioning has been my way of both trying to earn love and avoid abandonment. It has taken a long time to realize that no one is going to save me...I have to always keep my eye on my own feelings and needs and be careful to cultivate relationships with people who care about me (truly), so when I communicate, I get the support I need. It's amazing how the responsibility always comes back to ourselves!
Hey, I’m with you. This really hits deep, and I appreciate how you’re owning your process. I’ve been there too, overfunctioning to feel secure and avoid abandonment, until I learned to slow down and actually listen to what I needed. It’s a big shift to realize it’s about meeting your own needs now, and it’s great to see you leaning into that and building real connections. Thanks for sharing. It adds so much to this space, and I’m really glad you’re here.
Can you add a “buy me a coffee” button? I can’t afford a paid subscription for every creator I like but I’d sure like to drop a tiny donation anytime something resonates deeply.
Me too!
Me too!
Zalman, I have never wanted to die, but I do know that feeling when you feel like you are dragging. Too much of everything. That feeling of being on a treadmill at full speed and there is no way to get off. Exhaustion from expectations, especially my own. I began asking myself how much of it I was creating. I stopped blaming others and situations and started peeling away habits and beliefs. I am very good at dropping those expectations now. I am no longer running. I now learn from everything. Listen, observe, learn. Very beautiful essay. Love that first Arabic saying. So powerful. xo
Thank you so much for sharing this! It really grounds the conversation in something real and honest. That image of being stuck on a treadmill with no exit ramp…I know it well. And the way you paused to ask, “How much of this am I creating?” That’s a huge shift. Not about blame, but about freedom.
It takes a lot of courage to stop running and start looking at the beliefs and pressures we’ve internalized. The shift you described from pressure to presence, from reaction to reflection is exactly what healing looks like. It’s not loud or dramatic. It’s steady and real.
I’m really glad that line landed with you too. Thanks again for bringing so much clarity and heart to this space. xo
It took many years of returning to this idea that I was completely committed to loving myself and my life no matter what. Life keeps getting more complicated, but I never stopped training. I feel prepared. Even life's treadmill can be seen as valuable when you keep returning to personal responsibility, presence, and self-love. xo
What a vulnerable share. Men are expected to be our greatest protectors but protectors need protecting, too.
Wow. Thank you for saying that. It’s so true. That expectation to always be the protector, the strong one, the steady one. It gets heavy. And the truth is, even protectors reach their limit. We need care too. Support. A place where we can fall apart and still feel safe. Real strength isn’t about never breaking. It’s about being honest when we do. Your words really hit something deep :)
Great article. Thanks for sharing such raw feelings with us! 🙌🏻
Hey, thank you. That really means a lot. And it's amazing having you here! I’m glad the raw stuff resonates with you, because I’ve been through that messy place too and it’s exactly why I share it. Your support makes a difference, and has always made a difference. Ty!
You know I’m with you 🙌🏻
I do! And grateful for it :) Appreciate you
Love this. I completely relate and have had to learn to slow down so I can hear myself and then meet the need. Over-functioning has been my way of both trying to earn love and avoid abandonment. It has taken a long time to realize that no one is going to save me...I have to always keep my eye on my own feelings and needs and be careful to cultivate relationships with people who care about me (truly), so when I communicate, I get the support I need. It's amazing how the responsibility always comes back to ourselves!
Hey, I’m with you. This really hits deep, and I appreciate how you’re owning your process. I’ve been there too, overfunctioning to feel secure and avoid abandonment, until I learned to slow down and actually listen to what I needed. It’s a big shift to realize it’s about meeting your own needs now, and it’s great to see you leaning into that and building real connections. Thanks for sharing. It adds so much to this space, and I’m really glad you’re here.
I needed to read exactly this today, thank you.
really happy to hear that. appreciate you!
Can you add a “buy me a coffee” button? I can’t afford a paid subscription for every creator I like but I’d sure like to drop a tiny donation anytime something resonates deeply.
https://buymeacoffee.com/zalmannelson
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