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  • Writer's picture Zalman Nelson - Therapist

Can't Love U If I Don't Love Me

You can't love someone else and enter into a relationship with them,if you don't love yourself. Right now, as you read this, if you didn't get messages growing up and throughout life that you're good, liked, count and matter, are valid, deserving of care and respect – how will you likely view yourself? Unlovable, no good. You likely speak to yourself with the same words, style, and approach your parents, peers, and others used with you: harsh, critical, punishing, condemning, put-downs. Do you see and notice that happening? Same goes for love. You were trained, and continue to tell yourself (consciously, subconsciously) that you're unlovable. Comes this person who wants to give you love. Now you have tension, and tension has to be relieved. Accept their love and get to work rejecting the inner repeating thought cycle you're no good, unlovable, invalid, and not deserving of care and respect. Or, reject them. Perhaps, sabotage the relationship. And go back to unconsciousness. If you're not ok with you, how can you have a successful relationship with someone else, and give and receive love?


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