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  • Writer's picture Zalman Nelson - Therapist


Do you ever find yourself doing something for your partner, thinking you're loving, giving, and caring, but they're not happy? There are numerous fights and arguments, and it's not working. You keep getting feedback that they need more or something different. Then you're hurt because you're thinking, "I'm doing it, making time, connecting," it boggles the mind that it's not working.

This is the incredible secret of Love Languages, something I frequently use in my work with couples where I help people upgrade their relationship with themselves – their Inner Child – and, subsequently, everyone around them. 

Here are the five Love Languages: 

  • words of affirmation, 

  • acts of service, 

  • receiving gifts, 

  • quality time, and 

  • physical touch 

All are essential, but the challenge arises when your primary way of feeling loved differs from your partner's. Gary Chapman writes about these Love Languages in his book, and understanding them can transform relationships.

To illustrate, if your primary love language is quality time, but your partner's is acts of service, simply spending time together won't fulfill their needs. Recognizing and making deposits in your partner's love language account is crucial. Communication isn't just verbal; actions convey messages, and doing something for your partner signifies importance and care.

The Love Languages offer a simple way to identify and fulfill these needs. Taking the online assessment at can reveal surprising insights. Even if initially uncomfortable, recognizing your partner's primary love language enables you to make meaningful deposits in that account.

However, negative quality time can arise when crucial needs, such as weekly dates or quality communication, are neglected. People will seek attention, even negative, if positive attention is lacking. Recognizing these patterns can be crucial in understanding and improving relationships.

The Love Languages provide a common language for couples to discuss their needs. It's not about assuming that what works for you also works for your partner; it's about understanding and fulfilling each other's unique needs. Awareness and communication are crucial to building a better relationship.

In summary, Love Languages offer a straightforward approach to enhancing relationships. Recognizing and addressing each other's needs through the five languages can lead to a more fulfilling and harmonious connection. If you want to delve deeper into this concept or have specific questions, schedule a free consultation and check out the other informative videos on my YouTube channel – be sure to like, subscribe, and share while you're there :)

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