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  • Writer's picture Zalman Nelson - Therapist

The Dating Dilemma | Finding Love Without Losing Yourself



This highlights a significant issue with dating, extending beyond just the dating aspect—it delves into your happiness, well-being, and confidence. It's a dating dilemma: how do you find love without losing yourself?


The entire process seems to reflect the culture, primarily external. The current focus in dating videos and discussions revolves around what women and men want, emphasizing the external aspects. However, it's not your fault; contemporary life tends to prioritize external factors, such as the type of car you drive or the appearance of your house.


The problem arises when we consistently try to be what we think others want, attracting someone who desires a persona that isn't truly you. Authenticity is crucial for successful relationships. Consider why some of the most influential relationships are between two individuals who have been friends for a long time. They weren't trying to impress each other; they were merely themselves, discovering commonalities naturally.


Conversely, getting to know each other often slows down when dating becomes more intimate and physical. Defining the goal of a relationship becomes essential. It's about finding someone you can connect with, be yourself around, and deeply respect. Mutual comfort in being yourselves, even in disagreement, is vital.


So, to the dating dilemma: how can you find love without losing yourself? A relationship involves an obligation to bring your true self, with all its wounds and struggles, into the connection. Both individuals carry past experiences and inner vulnerabilities. Understanding your feelings, needs, and wants is crucial for effective communication and mutual growth.


The prevailing approach to dating, which focuses on external validation and saying the right things to make the other person happy, is flawed. The key is to be yourself and do the internal work necessary for self-validation. Rejection is normal, as not everyone will be a good match. Embracing emotional independence and understanding your worth internally are vital for a healthy relationship.


In summary, a successful relationship requires clarity on the goal, authentic self-expression, and the courage to let go of connections that don't align with your true self. The dating process should be guided by knowing yourself, validating your feelings, and seeking connections that resonate with your authentic self.


If you want to delve deeper into this concept or have specific questions, schedule a free consultation and check out the other informative videos on my YouTube channel – be sure to like, subscribe, and share while you're there :)


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