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  • Writer's picture Zalman Nelson - Therapist

Master Your Emotions: The Feelings Chart Guide

Updated: Feb 9




Embarking on a journey of self-discovery and emotional healing is a courageous step toward personal development. Whether prompted by the recommendation of others or self-realization, the decision to seek therapy reflects a desire for change and growth. In this guide, we will explore a simple yet powerful first step called the "Feelings Chart," designed to facilitate a deeper understanding of emotions and foster a healthier relationship with oneself.


Understanding the Core of Therapy

At the core of therapy is the endeavor to build a new relationship with oneself, specifically an emotional one. This involves recognizing the existence of two distinct parts within us—an adult part and an inner child part. Until adolescence, the inner child significantly shapes our worldview, absorbing messages about our worth, safety, and deservability from our environment.


As adults, we often grapple with feelings of inadequacy, leading us to seek external validation and love. Coping mechanisms and tools, such as addictions, avoidance behaviors, or manipulation, are developed to navigate these complex emotions. Emotional triggers, intense reactions to certain situations or people, stem from unresolved emotional baggage accumulated over the years.


The Lack of Emotional Education

One significant challenge we face is the absence of emotional education. We lack the necessary emotional vocabulary to navigate our internal landscapes effectively. Additionally, many of us are oblivious to the fact that we operate as two distinct parts—an adult and an inner child. The inner child, desperate for attention, healing, and growth, often goes unnoticed as we engage in avoidance behaviors.


The Shift from Victimhood to Empowerment

Therapy, fundamentally, is about transitioning from a victim mentality to an empowered one. It entails taking conscious action and nurturing a relationship with our emotions. Rather than viewing life events as happening to us, therapy encourages the perspective that things happen for us. It requires a shift from avoidance to confrontation, from running away to facing our inner selves.


Introducing the Feelings Chart

A practical tool in this journey of self-discovery is the "Feelings Chart." This tool serves as a bridge between the adult and inner child parts, aiding in connecting with our inner selves and understanding the intricacies of our emotions.

Understanding the Inner Child


The inner child is closely connected to our physicality. To initiate the process of using the Feelings Chart, start by reflecting on a recent triggering event. Notice where the emotions manifest physically in your body. This initial awareness is crucial to understanding the emotional response and initiating the process of healing.


Consulting the Feelings Chart

The Feelings Chart is a comprehensive list of emotions, ranging from basic to complex. When confronted with a triggering event, refer to the chart and identify words that resonate with your current emotional state. The key is not to rationalize or justify but simply to acknowledge what fits.


Practical Application: A Step-by-Step Guide

  1. Reflect on a Triggering Event: Take a moment to think about a recent event that triggered intense emotions. This could be a disagreement, a challenging situation, or a moment of self-doubt.

  2. Notice Physical Sensations: Pay attention to where in your body you feel the emotions. It could be a tightness in the throat, a knot in the stomach, or tension in the chest. This physical awareness is the first step in connecting with your inner self.

  3. Consult the Feelings Chart: Glance through the Feelings Chart and identify words that align with your current emotional state. Trust your instincts and select words that resonate with your feelings.

  4. Build Emotional Vocabulary: As you consistently use the Feelings Chart, you'll develop a richer emotional vocabulary. This process enhances your ability to articulate and understand your emotions more profoundly.

  5. Short, Regular Sessions: The goal is not the duration but the consistency of showing up for yourself. Even a few seconds each day can have a profound impact on building a healthier emotional relationship with yourself.


Benefits of the Feelings Chart

  • Active Listening to Yourself: Using the Feelings Chart is akin to providing your inner self with undivided attention. It's a validating act that communicates your worthiness of time and introspection.

  • Building Self-Validation: Acknowledging your emotions without judgment fosters self-validation. The act of regularly showing up for yourself communicates a commitment to understanding and nurturing your inner self.

  • Practicing Unconditional Acceptance: The process of identifying emotions without justification or rationalization is a form of practicing unconditional acceptance. It's an affirmation that all emotions, even challenging ones, are valid and worthy of acknowledgment.

  • Enhancing Emotional Intelligence: Consistent use of the Feelings Chart contributes to the development of emotional intelligence. This heightened awareness and understanding of emotions pave the way for more intentional responses to life's challenges.

  • Navigating Various Situations: The Feelings Chart isn't confined to therapy sessions. It can be a valuable tool in navigating real-time situations, from managing panic attacks to addressing triggers in the workplace. Its accessibility allows for on-the-spot introspection and emotional regulation.


Embarking on the journey of emotional healing and self-discovery is a transformative process. The Feelings Chart serves as a practical and accessible tool to facilitate this journey. By consistently engaging with this tool, you actively nurture a relationship with your inner self, fostering growth and resilience.


Remember, the goal is not perfection but progress. Small, intentional steps, such as those facilitated by the Feelings Chart, contribute to a profound shift in your relationship with yourself. As you navigate this journey, celebrate each moment of self-discovery and use these insights to propel yourself toward lasting personal growth.


If you want to delve deeper into this concept or have specific questions, schedule a free consultation and check out the other informative videos on my YouTube channel – be sure to like, subscribe, and share while you're there :)


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