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  • Writer's picture Zalman Nelson - Therapist

Learn How to Love Yourself

Updated: Aug 16, 2022

♥️ How can you love someone else and enter into a relationship with them, if you don't love yourself?

Right now, as you read this, if you didn't get messages growing up and throughout life that you're good, liked, count and matter, are valid, deserving of care and respect – how will you likely view yourself?

Unlovable, no good.

You likely, also, dutifully continue to speak to yourself, in your mind, with the same words, style, and approach your parents, peers, and others used with you.

Harsh....critical...punishing...condemning...put-downs. Do you see and notice that happening?

If that's you, how do you react, for example, when others give you compliments? Is it uncomfortable? Do you find a way to dismiss or discredit it?

You're Good and Lovable

This is because of tension. You see yourself as bad. The person's compliment asserts that you're good and lovable. Which is it? That's deep tension. You have two ways to find relief: 1) accept the feedback and that you're good, which means rejecting your view of self as being bad; or 2) reject the feedback and protect the negative self-view you have.