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  • Writer's picture Zalman Nelson - Therapist

Groaning Is The Beginning

Updated: Feb 9

Groaning Is The Beginning

Take a moment to reflect on your life, standing, position, and accomplishments. There’s not a person on the planet who doesn’t zoom in on what they wish was different, more, or better. Let’s try it now. Close your eyes and think about the one thing you know better than anything else in life…yourself. What comes to mind first?

Is it what you like about the way you look? How great your job, family, health is? Or are the thoughts zipping through your mind primarily what you wish was different about you, your life, your family, friends, and community?

So, why aren’t all those things, in fact, different and more the way you wish they were? Why is it that we only fantasize from time to time about starting an exercise program, reaching out to a friend or family member, learning a new skill, or finally getting to bed early and waking up earlier (that’s a biggie for me)?

Tug of war. That’s the answer. We have competing desires – a will to change and a will to keep the comfort of the status quo, or to avoid possible failure and another possible trophy on the mantle of low self-esteem. Or even a will for the quick fix, quick high that comes with all the negative consequences, yet numbs the pain and prolongs having to unpack the baggage that’s been trailing us for years.

Often, the second one has grown far stronger and dominant.

What does it take to change the momentum in the tug of war? Be sick and tired of being sick and tired. We’ve followed that same old path, thoughts, and choices for so long and got the same results over and over again. What’s guaranteed is that continuing to do what we always did will get us what we always got. And in the space created by that frustration, disappointment, and yearning for change, the small voice of the other drive can be heard.

Let’s hear it, talk to it, understand it. Like a muscle, the more we hear it and follow it, the stronger it grows. Chat after chat, workout after workout. What’s your inner voice longing for? What small step can you take right now to actualize it, work out it, grew it stronger?


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